I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
