someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
