When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You pole danced in your parka.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
