it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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