I think I am morally bankrupt
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
