plz talk dirty to me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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