i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Congratulations! We have a period
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