just come out here and I will go home with you...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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