so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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