today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
