Too much gin, very little bucket
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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