he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
