i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize