Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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