I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
