I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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