he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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