She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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