All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
not ubering you a puppy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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