I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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