Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so let's talk penis.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
