It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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