I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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