I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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