you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm having to shit out rocks
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