it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
