I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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