then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
MIDGETS
????
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
