oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
