if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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