Too much gin, very little bucket
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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