fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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