I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
