Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
