Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
