she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is wine microwaveable?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
