Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
