Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
