I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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