:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
