Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
