How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Randomize
