Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
