Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
