Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
