i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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