You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
