Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
