I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
