I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
