1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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