Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
