i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
