Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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