This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
