I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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