Sponge bath it is.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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