but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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