i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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