I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
