it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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