Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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